Ok, not really. I don’t have a leather chair, and I don’t like whiskey, and I rarely smoke cigars (and when I do, they’re never good cigars). But I do sometimes think about my maturation as a human being (or my lack thereof). Not to put too fine a point on it, but it can leave me doubting whether I’m really making any progress at all. Is my life: the skills and perspective I’m acquiring, a ladder that I’m climbing? Or am I just a hamster stuck on a wheel, stuck in place no matter how fast I run?

This question can be reduced further: Can people change, or are do they remain fundamentally the same? Yikes! And here you thought this wouldn’t be an introspective, philosophical post.

Problem is, I can see evidence both of progress and stagnation in my life.

In day-to-day existence, I feel like every moment I am superior to who I was the moment before (to borrow from Office Space, each day you see me, that’s on the most mature day of my life). Sure, there are times when my spirit is low, or I’m sick or exhausted, or under stress, but basically my default stance is that each day I become more capable. A prejudice? Sure! But I have evidence.

When I look at the code I wrote a year ago, I can clearly see ways it could be improved. I see clumsy statements that I could recompose effortlessly and elegantly today. When I look at my actions six months or a year ago, they are hopelessly naive. I wonder “Why did I take this so seriously?” or “Did I really get angry about something so stupid?” Or I think “Wow, I certainly wasn’t reading the signals right there. I misinterpreted everything!” When I re-read an email I sent two months ago, I’m embarrassed by how silly I was.

You get the picture.

But: I suspect I’m not seeing progress, just the clarity granted by distance. When I re-read something I wrote a few days ago, it usually looks foolish. But how much could I change in a couple of days?

Last year I was sorting through old scrapbooks and artifacts. I have journals I was forced to write in kindergarten (you know the kind, crayoned construction paper cover clumsily stapled over paper, inch-high child-handwriting inside). I perused ‘diaries’ that I haltingly kept when I was eight or nine.

Fundamentally, for all intents and purposes, my conception of the world was the same then as it is now. If I (shudder) re-read what I wrote when I was a young teenager, it sounds histrionic and sometimes hilariously bleak. But the questions I struggled to answer then, I still struggle with today.

With some skills, a progression is readily apparent. If I’m playing chess or starcraft, then I can see my win-loss record, or the rating of my opponent. If I’m solving a Rubik’s Cube, I can time myself. If I’m coding, it’s obvious whether my program is correct, if it’s fast, if it’s intuitive, if it has a good test suite. If I’m playing an instrument, I can become more comfortable and play fewer jarring notes. But not all skills may be judged so objectively. Writing is one example. Thinking is another.

I don’t have any answers here. I don’t know whether it’s possible to really change the most important things in your life. I suspect it is. But I also think the default assumption of progress should be examined more closely.

Diamonds as a whole are repugnant to me. The immediate problem with them is the human misery that’s required to obtain them. On top of that, there’s the fact that they’re jewelry which happens to be very expensive. Jewelry itself is something I really don’t understand. And it seems so foolish to spend thousands or tens of thousands of dollars on jewelry which serves no purpose. The worst part is that the money is just flushed down the drain.

It’s crazy that diamonds have become a necessary part of the marriage process, where men are afraid to suggest an alternative to their girlfriends, as though not indulging in diamonds would be the reason a couple decides not to spend the rest of their lives together. I could see making a sacrifice to demonstrate love. That’s romantic. But when it’s a monetary sacrifice, it’s ultimately a sacrifice both partners are making. It’s money that would demonstrably improve the financial security of a married couple, and as such could be spent on myriad things which have some tangible return.

On the other hand I do think synthetic diamonds are pretty cool. They’re cheap, indistinguishable from the real thing (except possibly purer), have numerous practical applications, and to me they represent the fact that science and engineering can improve the world. No one was harmed to make them. Also cool are titanium bands.

There are other Valentine’s Day-related rituals that confuse me. For instance, high heels. I understand they make a woman’s leg more attractive. But they don’t look very comfortable. I can even represent high heels vs non-high heels mathematically!

Attractiveness of Wearing High Heels = Delta of Leg Attractiveness
Attractiveness of Not Wearing High Heels = Attractiveness of Deciding Not to Endure Pain for Fashion + Attractiveness of Not Giving a Fuck What is Typical + Clothing Suitable for Zombie Apocalypse + Frugality Bonus

To me, it’s obvious which of these is more appealing. But maybe that’s just the engineer/INTJ in me speaking.

When someone is described as a “careerist,” it is uniformly an indictment. This is because people who are conscious enough to employ the term use it as a derogatory one, the unspoken assumption: “I’m wise enough to call someone ‘careerist,’ because I’m not a sucker.” For instance, there’s the famous RibbonFarm post on The Gervais Principle.

I think this oversimplifies. Yes, sacrificing everything for your career (including your family), and worshiping the company you work for are bad things. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with deciding to focus on your career if you understand the alternative and are doing so for a well-defined reason, and you have explored your relationship with your employer.

When I say, “understand the alternative,” I mean understanding that nothing compels you to focus on a promotion. You could become more frugal and focus on family. By “well-defined reason,” I mean that you don’t just want to make more money because then you can get a BMW that will make your buddy jealous. Finally, by saying, “you’ve explored your relationship with your employer,” I mean that if you work for a large company, you understand that your career focus is not something the company will necessarily compensate you for. Your company owes you a biweekly paycheck, and you owe it your best effort. Maybe you have some responsibility towards certain co-workers. But you have no justification to be bitter if you are laid off after going ‘above and beyond.’ If your employer is a friend, or you work for a very small company, your relationship will be understandably different.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to earn a lot of money, assuming you aren’t causing people or the environment harm in the process. But there are also other reasons to work.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I enjoy the puzzles where I work. This is entertainment and brain exercise. I don’t enjoy the stress of working, per se, but I do know that I’m walking a fine line of stress that is causing me to grow as a person without breaking down. As I approach retirement I can pull the trigger if the stress ever gets to be too much.

So, as long as I feel that I’m growing as a person, learning, and doing something exciting, and as long as I haven’t started a family, careerism is ok for me.

And I’m definitely growing. I was stuck in the doldrums for a while. In late 2010, I started to explore increased responsibilities. I became more outspoken. I was working on fun projects. Then through the middle and second half of 2011, I was depressed. Projects were less exciting, I felt constrained and at a dead end, and I was under a lot of personal stress. Now starting a few weeks ago I’ve begun to be even more blunt and outspoken, I’m working on really cool things, and I feel that I’ve begun to really be heard as more than a pure coder. I’m also under more professional stress than ever, and although there are bad days I’m still comfortable seeing how I handle it.

So yes, I am a careerist — at the moment. I am focusing on career and personal advancement. And this is necessarily at the expense of some external interests and hobbies. But that’s a trade I’m comfortable with.

First there is the micro-puzzle, which is: the solving of very specific concrete problems. For instance, two variables from two different data sources are changing, you don’t know which is changing first, and you need to handle each case in an elegant, efficient, coordinated manner. Or: this system breaks in this specific way, so examine the forensics and run experiments and find out why.

Then there is the design micro-puzzle, which is: the organization of each micro-puzzle solution. In fact all coding involves organizing logic, in such a way that it can be re-used flexibly, without being too complicated to understand. Bad coders do not re-use logic, making it difficult to maintain and conceptualize code. Or they endlessly shuffle things around and build frameworks for problems they don’t understand, and accomplish nothing concrete.

After the design micro-puzzle is the strategic puzzle, which is: We have these different components or systems interacting currently, and we want to add this functionality. For example: we have 4 systems doing something quite similar, in a way that they compete with one another when they should work together. By merging all four, and splitting that into two well-defined systems, we can end up with a more understandable system that reduces inefficiencies.

Then there is the social engineering puzzle, which is: how do I convince these people to help solve the strategic puzzle, or the design micro-puzzle? How can I bypass the clueless people over there, and include the smart people over here? I am not so good at solving this puzzle, but I am learning.

And finally there is the where-do-I-fit-in puzzle, which is: I do certain things on a minute-by-minute or hour-by-hour basis. How do I frame these things in a way that gains me social capital? Or: I am currently working on these exciting puzzles, but there are even more exciting puzzles over there. How can I position myself to solve those puzzles? And although those puzzles are exciting, how can I maneuver to explore puzzles that are both exciting and important? This is the puzzle I am worst at. But when people see you enjoy, and are good at solving puzzles, then you reach the exciting, important puzzles eventually.

Each of these puzzles I can explore on my own, or I can solicit the opinions of smart people and see how they would find a solution. So yes, there are times when I love my job.

I would hazard a guess and say that laziness has helped keep my budget sane, and also has helped keep me relatively healthy even with a stressful, time-consuming job. Although venerating laziness is definitely contrarian, there’s actually a whole magazine devoted to being lazy.

There’s a great exchange in Office Space which illustrates the power of doing nothing:

Peter: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I’ll tell you what I’d do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter: That’s it? If you had a million dollars, you’d do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; ’cause chicks dig dudes with money.
Peter: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well, the type of chicks that’d double up on a dude like me do.
Peter: Good point.
Lawrence: Well, what about you now? What would you do?
Peter: Besides two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Well, yeah.
Peter: Nothing.
Lawrence: Nothing, huh?
Peter: I would relax… I would sit on my ass all day… I would do nothing.
Lawrence: Well, you don’t need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Take a look at my cousin: he’s broke, don’t do shit.

When it comes to personal finance, I’m just too lazy to want to spend money. It’s funny, but it’s true. When I have to visit a mall, I just want to go to sleep. The same goes for a big department store. It’s just exhausting for me to go out and spend money. I’d rather relax at home or do something that interests me.

If your lifestyle doesn’t revolve around going to the movie theater, shopping in the mall, and buying expensive experiences, it’s a lot easier to be on firm financial footing. If you don’t have friends who are profligate spenders and prefer something a little quieter, you will save money compared to having friends that just want to drink, play cards, or go to expensive concerts.

The same goes for food. I do everything I can to abstain from buying junk food when I’m shopping. Many weekends I’ll only eat a little bit because I’m too lazy to want to do dishes and prepare food! These are the times that I’m thankful I’m so lazy.

You might be surprised to find out that there’s even a diet based on laziness! It’s call the Warrior Diet, and the idea is that you just eat a single meal each day. Supposedly this is scientifically determined to be good for you. I don’t really trust any nutritional science at this point. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with just eating once a day.

When I eat at work, I’ll usually just prepare oatmeal. I can pick up a canister at the supermarket on the way to work, and it will last me about 2 weeks. Preparing breakfast and lunch is as easy as going to the coffee machine and pressing the hot water button. That might sound extreme, but the past few weeks, I’ve gotten even lazier than that – and sometimes I won’t even eat lunch at work. It’s great: I get to be lazy, don’t need to prepare as much, and I actually have *more* energy than when I have a big lunch.

Isn’t laziness wonderful?

I’ve never discussed anything financial with co-workers. My assumption was that, while they probably weren’t extremely frugal, they were financially prudent. As I’ve learned – assumptions are usually wrong.

One of my co-workers is getting married and he mentioned that he was spending $20k on the honeymoon. I said something about that being a lot, and asked if he was spending the same amount on the wedding as the honeymoon, and he started laughing. I upped the estimate on the wedding to $50k and he still said it wasn’t enough – apparently the cost of the wedding will be $70k-$100k!

I was totally flabbergasted. A few other co-workers were also recently married, or planning weddings, and they said that it cost them something similar. Everyone agreed that the cost was insane, but apparently the women wanted something in that price range and the guys were willing to indulge them. The attitude seemed to be “We can’t imagine that we could find a woman who would want to spend less than this on a wedding.” Maybe my standards are too high… but I would rather not get married, than marry someone who is so financially shortsighted.

Now for comparison, you could buy a small/medium-sized house in the midwest for that price. Even if, say, the bride’s parents are willing to chip in on the wedding, devoting that much cash to creating a wonderful one-day memory is just total nonsense to me. You could take the cash and put it in a savings account and not have to worry about saving for your kid’s college. Instead, this guy said he was blowing his savings on the honeymoon/wedding. I don’t know whether this was just a joke or not, but it certainly seems possible. After all, you’re not likely to have a lot of savings if you’re spending money like that.

I haven’t really been to any weddings. But my parents were married in a backyard garden, with just a few close friends and family. The cake and everything was made in-family and I believe the wedding dress was bought either on clearance or used. So I would estimate the total cost to be between $100 and $200.

Obviously that’s an extreme. But to me, it is much less extreme than dropping $70k to create a single memorable experience.

These mood swings were quite violent and one week I’d think “Fuck this Earth;” the next I’d tell myself “I’m such a badass”.

I typically work about 52 hours/week. To many people, that’s a lot. Other people are used to spending 80 hours/week in the office and I’m sure they’re laughing as they read this. To me, more than 50 hours feels like a lot, and it’s one of the reasons I want to retire within a few years, and maybe take on a part-time job, or become self-employed.

Now, I’m not happy to work 50+ hours every week. But I’ve gotten used to it. On a normal day, I will work from 8:30 until 6:30 or 7:00. Then I will go home and eat, watch some TV and do some studying/practice and then go to sleep.

It took me a long time to really figure out why my emotions were on such a rollercoaster. At first I thought it might be related to diet or sleep deprivation. While I’m sure those are factors, as I started to pay more attention to my moods, I realized that there were two primary drivers (A) stress and (B) hours worked.

Of course these go hand-in-hand, because when I’m under stress I’m more likely to work long hours.

What’s amazing to me is how just a few hours can cause such a reaction. If I cut out ‘early’ and leave work at 6 pm, I’ll be working just 47.5 hours/week. I’ll see daylight after work (well, not in the winter), and I feel like I’m playing hooky or getting away with something. On Fridays I’ll sometimes even leave at 5:30 pm and thrill at the thought of sticking one to the man! That extra hour allows me to do some things on my own time once I get home, and to recover from work.

Meanwhile, if I’m in ‘crunch mode’ and have to work until 7:30 or 8, that adds up to 55-57.5 hours/week. At that point I begin to feel stretched for time; it impacts my sleep and my ability to do what I want on my own time. Couple that with the fact that each of those hours is more stressful than normal – and you can see why I want to quit.

So stay vigilant. Something simple like leaving work at a reasonable hour could make you a lot happier about where you are. Be analytical and conscious of your emotions, and see if you can figure out what drives your emotions.

Another popular method is ‘immersion’ where you are forced to converse in the language, starting very simple, and without English as a recourse. I believe this is a great method if you can truly become immersed. But it requires at least one other person and ideally a bunch of people speaking the other language.

As someone who tends to memorize words ‘visually’ (I rarely make spelling mistakes), I prefer seeing the words I’m learning. I want to read them before I hear them in conversation: with a lot of languages, when you hear a word it’s difficult to figure out the letters behind it until you see them. From a native speaker, “t” and “d” might sound alike, or even “t” and “g.” Of course, knowing proper pronunciation is important, but I like knowing how given letters map to give sounds.

The method I’ve settled on as most appropriate for me, when learning a new language, is trying to read in the foreign language as soon as possible, while tracking vocabulary with flash cards.

For flash cards I use Anki, which is a popular spaced-repetition flash card system. The idea behind spaced repetition is that you don’t need to see easy flash cards as frequently as difficult cards. The program will automatically track the difficulty of a card and this will change how many days it takes you to see the card again. So you start seeing the word every day, and then every week and then every few months, when a simple reminder will keep it fresh. This drastically reduces the clutter in a set of flash cards.

Along with Anki, I will typically have two books open, one in English and one in the foreign language. If I’m not familiar with the language I will read a few sentences in English, and then re-read them in the foreign language, slowly working my way along. If I’m more familiar with the foreign language, I will try to read entirely in that language, and use the English as a reference. Sometimes I will pause and try to understand every nuance of a sentence; in other cases I will just try to get the gist. I trust that I will pick up grammar subconsciously.

If I see a word a few times I will have some idea what it means, at which point I will refer to a foreign language dictionary and add it to my flash cards, for review the following day.

If you’re very lucky you’ll be able to find the same book in English text, foreign text, and as a foreign-language audio book. This is the best scenario: read the book in the foreign language, and then just listen to it in that language and see how much you understand.

One way I’ve found to prevent reneging on my promises is to lock myself into a commitment. There are two ways to do this, a right way and a wrong way.

Photo by Stebulus

The wrong way is this: You decide you want to work out. So you sign up for a gym membership and show up a few times. And then you stop going, and then you feel guilty and have a monthly expense that you don’t want to give up, because it means you’ve given up on your dreams. Furthermore, the expense not only represents your goals, but it also represents the daily toil necessary to accomplish them. Toil that exhausts you and keeps you from frivolous entertainments. Going to the gym becomes your goal, and you begin to forget why.

The right way is to set the goal and make a definite commitment that other people can see, and then to work towards that goal. The commitment is not drudgery or something you can’t do: it’s an exciting reward that stretches your capabilities.

For instance, I’d talked about traveling outside the country for literally years. Then, I promised a relative that I would visit her in Germany within 12 months. I wanted to weasel out of it – after all, planning the trip would be a lot of work. But I couldn’t take back my promise. A month or two later, I bought a plane ticket – then I was definitely locked in. Anyway, it wasn’t a sentence, it was an opportunity to see some cool museums and experience a new culture.

I’ve done the same thing this year. I wasn’t sure whether I would travel, or if I’d keep dallying on the dates. So I bought the ticket, and now I have no choice – my past self decided and I’m simply carried along for the ride. Furthermore, because I know that my German is good enough to communicate but bad enough that I’ll feel embarrassed, I have a reason to continue studying each day. My reward will be some awesome times traveling, and a feeling of comfort while communicating in a foreign language, in a foreign country.

You can apply this anywhere. If you’re a competent musician, sign up for an Open Mic – now you have a reason to practice, and the reward is showing off on stage. If you want to get in shape, don’t think about flat abs or checking off each gym day on a calendar – sign up for a Tough Mudder or a triathlon and picture what a badass you’ll be. Be creative.

2012 Theme

I want to brand 2012 as The Year of Excitement. I don’t want it to simply be a repeat of 2011, and I’ve overall felt very lethargic – due to poor fitness, sleep deprivation, stress, boredom, etc. I want to get excited again about programming and writing and I want to explore and have adventures. Strong health and strong finances are key to achieving this.

Health

My single highest priority for 2012 is transforming my health. I firmly believe that health is a lever which can influence each area of a person’s life. I could go on at length about my motivations, but I’ll spare you.

In a comment on Part I, someone suggested I run a triathlon. I think that’s a bit beyond what I can commit to training right now. However, I do like the idea of training with a goal in mind. Running is cheap, requires very few supplies, is relatively effective, and opens doorways to other activities I’ve held off on (playing ultimate frisbee again, and trying soccer).

So, in the next week, I will be signing up for a 5k, 10k, or half marathon (or some combination of these). There are a few reasonable options in mid-February.

For 2012 in general, I will track all my macronutrients, lose 20 pounds, cut junk food out of my diet (except for once a week), and develop a maintainable (for me) bodyweight training routine. More details to follow.

Finances

2011 was a financial success for me, and I expect 2012 to be the same. My overall goal is simply to reduce spending and increase dividend income.

I will be moving to a new apartment, and I’m hoping to find something cheaper than where I currently live. I’m already checking out a few places, but there aren’t many which represent a good compromise between comfort and price. Currently, housing is a whopping two thirds of my total budget. I’m also looking to become a more sophisticated investor, to continue contributing to the financial independence community, and to reduce some of the most egregious expenses (such as stopping by the grocery store every night after work).

Adventure

As detailed in Part I, I simply didn’t take advantage of living in NYC. I also have some savings and it doesn’t make sense to entirely defer my travel dreams until retirement.

After my last trip, I dreamt of returning to Germany, to see the Rhein. I was thinking of taking a week to travel. I typically waste a lot of my vacation doing nothing – on Monday morning I wake up and decide that I just don’t want to go to work. It’s totally ludicrous: I feel guilty and don’t really enjoy these days.

Fortuitously I started checking airline prices and noticed I could stopover in Reykjavik – I’ve always wanted to see Iceland – and then I made the commitment to stockpile vacation days. I sat on this decision for a few days and was practically salivating at the thought of the two week vacation I had planned. So, I bought airline tickets – one way – to Europe. Right now, the plan is to go NYC – Reykjavik – Amsterdam – Köln – Mainz – München. I’ll get to see parts of three kickass countries and it will certainly be an adventure. There’s no turning back now, with the tickets purchased.

Closer to home, I would simply like to try something new each week. One week that could be trying a new restaurant in my area, but it could also be something more ambitious, such as visiting a new neighborhood or restaurant, a museum or concert, or a meetup, I don’t particularly care. As long as I can do it on a budget, I’ll be happy. I’ve been stuck in a rut.

Programming

I did precious little programming on my own in 2011. I’d like to focus on three languages in 2012: Java, Python, and Clojure. Python, I simply enjoy programming in. I like it as a web development language (using the Django framework). I programmed in Java for most of college, but I’m very rusty; it seems competent for game development, which I want to get into. And finally Clojure, because it’s a lisp dialect that can harness java libraries.

I’m currently running through some Clojure code katas, of which there are 130, ranging from basic syntax through complicated tree parsing or list operations. It’s fun, because I’m doing some Code Golfing to familiarize myself with the syntax.

In 2012 want to participate in 3-4 Ludum Dare-like challenges (not necessarily official, I can do them myself). I’ve done next to zero game development, so these would be starting from the very basics. Finally, I’d like to develop and publish a moderately complex Django site.

Writing

I’m satisfied with the way things are going on this site and elsewhere. I just want to be more regular. So I will be committing to posting three updates to this blog per week. They don’t have to be long. I just want to get in a steady routine of expressing and refining my thoughts.